My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
