Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i jhust puked up my retainher.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
