you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
