genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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