new low.... made out with someone while peeing
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
