her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
be right there i have to get my cape
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
