giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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