I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
