The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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