My hand turned me down
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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