Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I just cut my nipple shaving
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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