if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
