the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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