nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
