im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Randomize
