Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
