Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Brb crying the tears of my youth
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
