So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
