Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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