Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
