i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
