Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
