you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
