My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
