The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
The adults are the big ones right?