Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
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Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.