Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
