So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
