I think i peed on brittanys purse
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
