There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
