There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
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Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?