I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
