it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
