i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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