I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
