if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
