we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
