That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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