if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
