I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
