You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!