Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car