How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
21 Times Karma Showed These People Not to Mess Around
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.