weddingsv make me drug and hornr
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
