you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
i out mim tonsoeep
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
