I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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