I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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