he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
