id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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