Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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