I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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