I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
