we made out on top of his cat.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize