5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
