Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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