Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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