I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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