who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
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