somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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