Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
