from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
