babies were throwing up all over the place
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Randomize
