I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
