My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
it was like eating out sand paper
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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