I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
