is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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