Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
they need to just BURY HIM!
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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