And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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