you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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