and you said cock pushups were impossible
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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