We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
