Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
