He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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