god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
