sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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