note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
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